By The Mogambo Guru
I remember the good old days of the Cold War when the Russians were humorless robots who could always manage to catch James Bond, a British secret agent better known by his "License to Kill" number - 007.
U.S. Postal Service Starts Quoting SDR to Dollar Conversion Rates, and IMF Endorses Replacing Dollars with SDRs
But the clumsy, doltish Russians could never hold onto him, and in the process, a lot of Russian secret agents, soldiers, miscellaneous employees, assorted affiliates and innocent bystanders died, usually in a blaze of gunfire or explosions of some kind.
I remember it especially well because I noticed that Really Hot Babes (RHB) were always practically throwing themselves into James Bonds' arms, talking in vague, strangely forbidden double entendres, husky whispers promising pleasures a-plenty coming from Really Hot Babes (RHB) whose barely parted, glistening red lips cried out to be kissed, hard, and your brawny arm roughly encircles her dainty waist, pulling her harder and harder against your manly chest as you kissed her, deeply, hungrily, dominating her with raw machismo until she is breathless with desire and crying out for more, begging, "James! Oh, James!", unlike Sandra.
You are probably wondering why I segue from James Bond, back to the evil Russians, then to Sandra, a teenage crush from years ago who, as it turns out, wanted to be kissed neither deeply nor hungrily, and who had a certain intense antipathy at being made breathless with desire, too, then to the Berlin Wall being taken down, then to the USSR collapsing under the weight of its stupidity and corruption, becoming just another of history's failed experiments by another stupid country trying a ridiculous command-and-control economic system with a fiat currency, which always fail with the same disastrous result of ruining everyone and destroying the standard of living, rather than leaving the economy alone to experience the joys of free enterprise and capitalism with a stable currency anchored by gold, which always succeeds in providing a higher standard of living to everyone.
The reason I bring this up is that, apparently, these sneaky, vodka-swilling, Bond-fumbling, Rooskie bastards are up to something! I infer this from Ed Steer's Gold & Silver Daily newsletter, which reports that the Russian Federation, as of July, "increased their gold holdings by a further 500,000 troy ounces, bringing their total holdings to date up to 23.3 million ounces ... or 724.7 tonnes."
In fact, he says, "So far this year they have socked away 2.8 million ounces of the stuff .., over 10% of their entire holdings in just the last seven months! These guys are serious!!!"
Being a paranoid, scared, creepy little guy who is sure that We're Freaking Doomed (WFD) by the staggering, massive creations of money by the Federal Reserve, especially so that the government can borrow the staggering, massive amounts of money to deficit-spend, increasing the national debt so that we slide inexorably into the economic black-hole of un-payable bankruptcy, receivership and ruination, I instantly recognize the wisdom of what these slippery Russians are doing, as emphasized by Mr Steer's clever use of three exclamation points! They're buying gold!
And when you add up all the tons and tons of gold being bought up by banks and people and funds everywhere around the world, you can easily "connect the dots" to show that alien beings from outer space are shooting mysterious brain-control rays into our heads, aimed at us from their secret base under the north pole, which is where Santa Claus lives.
Or maybe it is Santa Claus himself shooting these strange rays at us. Or maybe it is even his mysterious wife, Mrs Santa Claus, who strangely has no first name of her own, and for whom nothing else is known, as if she never existed until suddenly appearing as Santa's wife. Strange, but true!
Anyway, the whole point is not that Santa Claus is a dangerous lunatic, or that Ben Bernanke of the Federal Reserve is a dangerous lunatic who actually believes his stupid neo-Keynesian econometric theories despite their utter, utter failure. I mean, look around! Does this seem to be the result of a good economic theory in the hands of competent people to you? Hahaha! Me neither!
No, the point is that these are indeed very weird times, and a lot of strange, terrifying, unbelievable, nonsensical, suicidal, desperation-fueled fiscal and monetary idiocies are going on, and new ones appear with each passing day.
I am So Freaked Out (SFO) that my tiny little brain can think of nothing better than buying gold, silver and oil, which is entirely fortunate for me and other tiny-brained guys out here who can never actually seem to grasp what is going on, much less understand it, because buying gold, silver and oil is exactly the right thing to do! Whee!
Many countries are doing like Greece these days......
By The Mogambo Guru
Since I am known as something of a gold bug, a lot of people write to me about gold, but since I am a paranoid lunatic, I don't read their letters, mostly because I now call myself Marvelous Macho Grande (MMG), figuring that an established alias could potentially come in handy when the prices of gold, silver and oil shoot higher and higher as inflation in consumer prices starts going parabolic as a result of the despicable Federal Reserve creating so, so, so much money, especially so that the despicable federal government can borrow and spend that selfsame so, so, so much money.
So, you can see how a dramatic, romantic new name like Marvelous Macho Grande (MMG) would perfectly suit a guy like me, that is a guy with a theoretical massive coming increase in wealth from investing according to The Mogambo Perfect Portfolio (TMPP), which uses the Austrian school of economics (see Mises.org) and the last few thousands of years of history as Absolutely Compelling Reasons (ACR) to invest in gold, silver and oil when the government is acting so insanely bizarre, as does ours now, blithely deficit-spending a monstrous 11% of GDP, now with a national debt nearing a heart-stopping 100% of GDP, and allowing the Federal Reserve to continue to create So Freaking Much (SFM) money that, like creating too much money always does, it creates booms and bubbles that predictably, inevitably, unstoppably, disastrously go bust, leaving you, sadly, worse off than before.
So, you can see how I am not in the mood to answer emails from people who, deep down in their hearts, are pleading, "Oh, please help me, Masterful Mogambo Guru, or Marvelous Macho Grande (MMG), or whatever in the hell your name is this week: Sadly, I have not been following your terrific advice to buy gold, silver and oil as the One True Way (OTW) to end up with a lot of money without working for it, and now I need one of your famous Secret Investment Plans (SIP) to make up for lost time, else I am reduced to being the widow of a rich Nigerian banker who needs to sneak $100 million out of Nigeria and into your country. In that case, I will give you $50 million after you give me your bank account number and $5,000 in cash to pay various fees, expenses and bribes."
Alas, I don't have $5,000 to invest in this terrific opportunity to make a quick $50 million, as likewise there are no Secret Investment Plans (SIP), although I have spent a lifetime looking for one.
Fortunately, constantly buying gold, silver and oil is always the smart thing to do when your stupid, desperate, half-witted, corrupt, clutching-at-straws government is acting like all the other stupid, desperate, half-witted, corrupt, clutching-at-straws governments that created too much
And if you don't believe me, then maybe you will listen to the famous Richard Russell of the Dow Theory Letters, who writes, "Investors sometimes get caught up in the day to day and week to week movements in gold and silver. Don't waste your time or energy on that, just accumulate. Standing in front of us is the greatest transfer of wealth in history. When the dust settles, those holding the gold will make the rules."
And "just accumulate" sounds so easy because it is so easy, which is why I say, as I always say until you are tired of hearing me say it, "Whee! This investing stuff is easy!"